Tuesday, November 23, 2010

If Only

If only you'd seen
What you had
You cry yourself to sleep
Face the stranger in the mirror.
You are an empty shell
Void of all feelings
Whispering sweetly every hour
To the drugs that allow you to feel

Don't you understand
How hard it was
To watch you fall apart
And not allowed to care?
You knew me better than I, myself
But I can't tell you from the drugs
You insult me in a constant train
Do you mean what you say now?
Did you mean what you said then?

What happened to us?
How did it come to this?
You only truly cared about yourself
I gave until I had nothing left
You took it all and tore me down
You broke me
So I'm cutting you loose
We only hurt each other
I'm breaking my promises
But they mean nothing
If you push me to my end

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Facade, Kirsten Iehl, Oil on Panel, 2011

I'm not as strong as I look
As I want to appear to be
My surface is chafed and cracked,
scratched, chipped, and bruised.

Underneath the facade
I'm broken
My legs can barely stand
My spine folds
Under the weight of this heavy heart

I wish I were
As strong as them
I've been through so much
I can barely keep it together
On a good day

I look to the almighty
To be the second footsteps,
To carry me in times of need,
And guide me when I lose my way
Without him, I'm forever weak

Sunday, November 14, 2010


In Bloom, Kirsten Iehl, Acrylic on paper 2010

I needed to see you
So i drove forty minutes
and sat around at your work.
I called your phone
But you didn't answer.
I saw your family yesterday
Thought of asking them
How you were doing
but I know they haven't heard
Much from you recently.
I drove passed your house
Hoping to see your car.
I wrote on your wall last night
I'm still waiting for the reply

Today I brought you flowers
and set them on your grave.

I miss you so much it hurts.
I cry so hard I'm gasping for air.
but no matter how much I cry
You wont be coming back.
This realization only makes it worse.

I can't focus on anything but your face.
And how I will never see it again.
How much I miss your laugh.

When I paint my nails
I remember, you taught me how.

Even my escape, brings me back to you.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


I sit here
Watching your life fall to bits
I reach to help you
But I’m stuck behind the glass
All I can do is watch
You struggle to pick up the pieces
Stumble and fall under the weight
I hate seeing you like this
Tears in your eyes
Scrapes and bruises on your knees
A broken-hearted wreck
I know its not all my fault
But it’s still painful to watch
Knowing I can’t do a thing.
You stare at a map
Standing at the crossroad
Unsure which way to go
I scream for you to go that way
But the glass cages my voice.
This is a choice you must make on your own
I watch as you sit down in the dust
Afraid to make the wrong choice
You throw up your white flag.

Don’t give up yet
You have so much more going for you
You are stuck in a bad place
Keep going it gets better I promise.
You swore I must have never cared
But I never stopped caring
I cared too much to let us continue
You could do better
And you will
You just have to believe it.
I will be here to help you up when you fall
But you have to let me be.
I can only do so much
You have to make your own choices
You have more potential that you admit to
If only you could see
What I see from behind the glass-
Where you put me.

Monday, November 8, 2010


Release, Kirsten Iehl, Oil on Panel, 2010
So many words
Left unsaid
I never took the time
I thought I’d have the chance
The things I never did
Replay in my head
Maybe if I had
You wouldn’t have left
The way you did.
You’ve become a statistic
100% of people
In my life
Leave me
One way or another.
I thought you were doing better
I had just seen you
The month before
If I’d have known…
I’d have told you
How much you meant to me
I’d have thanked you
Release (detail), Kirsten Iehl, Oil on panel, 2010
For saving my life
And being the best
Friend I could have asked for.
I would have returned
The favor.
Some days I can’t
Get you out of my head
Or stop the tears
When I see
all the amazing things
You couldn’t
Other days I hate you
For leaving me
Which is exactly
What I am.
You were selfish.
I should hate you.
But you spent your
Entire life
Fixing everyone
Else’s problems
I just hope you left
How much you are loved
And how terribly you are missed.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Goodbye, My friend

Hung Jury, Kirsten Iehl, Oil on Panel, 2010
I close my eyes
I see your face
Twisted and torn
Your feet
Dangling above
I wasn’t there
But could I have
Stopped you?
Your laugh fades
Into the past
Everything I’d grown
To love
You took away.
The things I would
Give my life
Just to have back
For one more day
I’m a broken record
Always crying
About the same damn thing
What you did
It’s irrevocable
I don’t know how
To move past what you did
To be older
Than you ever will
You’ve always gone first
I’m lost
I can imagine
How you felt
I’ve been there too
But you talked me out of it
You are a hypocrite
Now I’m faced with the pain
You passed to me
I miss you soo much
More than you could imagine
I wish you were still here.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Open the Gates

Freedom Series 1, Kirsten Iehl, Oil on Paper, 2010
Open the gates
Let me out
I’m locked inside.
I’m suffocating,
Floating into
I can’t reach the ground
Save me
It would be
So easy
To just stop fighting
And let the
Current take me under
I don’t want
To fight it
Open the gates
I’m coming in.